Don’t Let me Raise My Hopes Any Further.

It’s been six years. Six years of watching from afar. Six years of change. Six years of pain.

Why. Why was it that my heart chose you? You, who is the exact opposite of me. You, who is sporty. You, who is smart but incredibly lazy. You, who  is out of my league.

My friends often tell me that I deserve someone more; they tell me I’m too good for you. I don’t think that’s the case. They can’t see how amazing and caring you are deep down.

But it’s been six years of waiting. Not doing anything. Constantly seeing you with a new girlfriend. So maybe I thought, it’s time to let go of the non-existent relationship we have. And it’s been great! I enjoyed these last few months joined by a peaceful  and calm heart.

Then I see them. Those golden blonde hair and those insanely beautiful blue eyes.

Badump.

Ah. There goes my heart. You always show up in the most random moments. I hadn’t had time to ready my heart. And do you also feel it? That spark when our eyes meet. Probably not. Because I look away too quickly.

Stop it. Sometimes I catch you looking my way. What’re you looking at? Me? Or is it someone in front of me- your girlfriend.

By the way did you know that 99.9% of people in our grade knows that I am head over heels for you. And you, that small 0.01%, don’t even know it.

I’ve had enough. I keep raising my hopes up, even though there isn’t any. But you know what, thanks to you, I’ve gained so many different types of emotions. Both pleasant and ugly.

Dont worry, it’s no one’s fault but mine alone. I’m a coward. I’m scared that you won’t like me back. But I at least want to be a friend. I always have. I wanted to be there for you, you know. But I don’t know why I can’t just take a leap of faith into this fruitless unrequited love.

You’re my first love. And apparently, no matter how much I try, I just cannot, for some reason, replace that little spot you’ve made yours in the deepest corner of my heart.

So..

I’m not gonna stop liking you. I’m just gonna go where my heart takes me, and hopefully you’ll still be there.